Anger rages inside you as you toy with the idea off picking that drink up even when you know whole heartedly exactly where it will take you. But the annoying desire still lingers deep inside with the boredom and frustration as you deal with the other issues that set you aside, its the FEAR OF THE FEAR !!! The anxiety, the panic, the shaking frustrating breathless quivers, the unbearable outrageous thoughts streaming through your head like violent waves crashing against coastal rocks on a stormy day. The pestering of the OCD rituals and thoughts enter the frontline off this massacre off a war that unfolds inside your mind on a daily basis. The not knowing of what to do or what to say as if unable to think straight for yourself and regain control of this out of hand war that rages through your mind. The shaking intensifies as you try to deal with one issue at a time as all at once it is to much to handle. But they keep coming back at you one after another attacking from every angle without warning. As you feel as though your about to go insane. Looking for answers to calm the war with peace. SICK AND TIRED OF BEING SICK AND TIRED. but when invaded mentally by these relentless enemies in your head. The thoughts and feelings of that ONCE EVIL POISON SUBSTANCE THAT YOU WAS SO SICK AND TIRED OF BEING SICK AND TIRED Of seems like the only allie able and willing to help you in this war you face on a daily basis. But little do you realise this is merely but a spy working for the mind in this war trying to get behind enemy lines to hurt and destroy you deeper. It cons and tricks you in to thinking that IT is your friend, your allie, your way out of this horrible invasion your witnessing, the hand that is going to guide you to safety to stop these unrelenting thoughts of anxiousness and worry along with the sharp shooting impulses firing at you like a sniper. You see being on your guard can get gruesomely tiresome but you have got to be aware at all times and not drop your guard. You’ve got to have hope and faith that these enemies will slowly eventually retreat or at least run out off ammo For you to Be able to regather yourself and your thoughts and the chance to reprogram your mind ready for them upon their return to try to finish you off in this war of anguish, but done correctly with the right advice and guidance from a true allie this time that being that of a fellow recovering addict, we can reload our minds with healthy information and be ready to conquer this long drawn out war of fear Once again. Although in the moment it does seem like a never ending drawn out war but the truth of the matter is that it does soon pass. And them enemy cravings soon retreat and disperse.
Last drink 10/5/85. I truly believe in one day at a time. Which gets me through cravings (rare now and I usually recognize the triggers) as well as anxiety. Good article.
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Just how you said it, “It” acts like a friend, a buddy, an ali. But we know all too well the face of this liar, who wishes to draw us back into the pool of alcohol… I can feel it pulling beneath the surface, looking for a weakness to exploit, constantly telling me why I need to drink, always trying to convince me I’ll be okay, it’s a lie…
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Reblogged this on fightorflights.