Early recovery has been a profound yet devastating experience. The disconnection of body-mind-spirit has left me unraveled and anxious.
I act out in the most gratifying, distracting, and most of all, sabotaging behaviors. I find myself in toxic relationships. I have low self-esteem and being in a relationship with someone gives me a sense of self-worth. I become instantly addicted wanting more from them. Their time. Their encouragement. Their support. Their attention. Their love. Their approval. I need them to understand me, respect me and trust me, even though I may not be worthy of all of those things. Selfish, Self-centered and totally dishonest. Usually my relationship ends with them not satisfying my needs, and I ditch them, or they relapse, and I convince myself I am able to drink and use normally.
That insanity of Step 2 — ‘someday, somehow I will be able to drink normally.’ To the point of loneliness —…
View original post 343 more words