Arrrrrghhh it’s 3 a.m. And head is still racing with thoughts. ive just made a brew, coffee as it happens. now I know before you start you will all be thinking well that’s the worse thing that you can do. You see that’s what I do I’ve already analysed and projected an outcome. Before anybody else has even read this. Coffee 2 spoonfuls mind and 4 sugars with milk. Just how I like it. It’s my substitute for the poison. My new chosen drug if you like. I open the cupboard and reach for a chocolate bar and i move two wrappers from the kitchen side that I’d eaten earlier when I couldn’t face putting them in the bin. At least if they are on the side I can see them and know that I haven’t swallowed them or breathed them In. Yeah you heard me right it’s true. You see I do try to open them so that all the paper stays intact so that there is only one piece of rubbish I have to make sure it is in the bin so I don’t think I’ve swallowed it or breathed it in. But no not this time both corners ripped off the wrappers which adds fuel to the fire. As I put them in the bin I got my new unopened chocolate off the side and then I have to reach back in to the bin looking for the wrappers to make sure that they where still there. As my throat tightens and breathing starts to go funny because I’m thinking that there might be a chance that I have swallowed or breathed in the corners of the wrappers. I pull the big pieces of wrapper out and the little corner pieces are no where to be seen. I’m routing frantically in the bin as my throat feels more and more like the wrapper is stuck in it. How can they be I question it don’t be stupid you’ve just put them in the bin. But have I. Did they really go in the bin. Are you sure. As I continue to question myself and argue with my own mind. But they are not here so I must have swallowed or breathed them in as I carry on rummaging through the bin, now pulling things out covered in lamb mint gravy and left over vegetables from my tea the night before. Where are they as my hands by this time are full off slimed horrible left over residues from the bin. It’s always the same aswell isn’t it. You can never find them and they always turn up in the place you least expect. As I’m nearly at the end of emptying the bin. One was there sitting in a box from some chicken kievs I had and another one right at the bottom of the bin as it must have fallen to the bottom as I was scouring through the rubbish. I let out A big sigh of relief as my throat starts to ease and my breathing starts to slow. I start to place the rubbish from the side back in the bin. I start to question myself again are they the ones that came of that wrapper. What if they where off another wrapper and the one I’ve put in the bin I’ve swallowed or breathed in. Aaarrrrrghhh as I start to get agitated I place the wrappers back on the side pairing them up with the relevant corner pieces like a jigsaw. To prove to myself that they fit exactly how they have torn to be certain that they are the corners for them wrappers and I haven’t swallowed them at all. I put the wrappers back in the bin right on top with the corners so that I could find them and see them if I needed to at any time. I picked my brew up and walked in to the lounge and sat down and had a sip of my brew. Stone cold. Brilliant I thought. So I get back up go in to the kitchen put it in the microwave for thirty seconds and finally I can sit down and have my brew. It’s tiring at times and draining. The simpler things are the easier it becomes. That’s how I have to keep it, in all I do. Because you see if I don’t hold it together I’m in trouble. All for a raspberry ruffle chocolate bar.
Who’d of thought it.
It’s not a joke the truth is out.. MENTAL HEALTH can bring you to your knees and it’s happening all around us. Why don’t they just get help you ask or why not take some medication for it to all go away and get on with your life. Well if only it was that simple, you see the truth of the matter is mental health illnesses come in many different life shattering forms that even prevent them from reaching out for help or advice. Many people suffer in silence for years and continue to pursue their life running on just pride and self-will alone, until Eventually they come grinding to an immediate halt of surrender, because they just can’t fight it any longer. Usually at this point individuals are at breaking point in one form or another and their family, friends and career are at jeopardy and rapidly crumble in front of their very own eyes. As they are no longer able to cope with everyday tasks and activities that one would take for granted, they are unable to function in society at large. Mental health has been frowned upon for years by many and people with a mental illness have been typically stereotyped as all sorts of random discriminating titles. If people just took the time to even try to understand that someone is struggling and help to guide them in the right direction to the relevant help and advice, rather than speculate and discriminate. We could start to prevent the unfortunate circumstances surrounding mental health illnesses and help people to regather themselves and free themselves from their fears. Just a bit of empathy and compassion sometimes is all that’s needed, it could just save someone’s life. Yes that’s right someone’s life, the truth of the matter is far to many people are alone and ignored for far to long that it unfortunately leads to suicide. This can be prevented with the right intervention and that struggling individual might save their career or marriage or even their life. And let’s not forget that just one day you or one of your loved ones might just need That help for what ever health issue that may be. And maybe, just maybe it might happen to be that person you helped out in their hour of need. Well they do say stranger things have happened at sea..
By Brett Pomfrey
Depression, anxiety, obsession and mental health HELPLINES
Rethink Mental Illness
Panic and anxiety
The Mental Health Foundation
If your life has become unmanageable and started to cost you more than just money, then you’ve come to the right place. Being an ex addict my self through substance abuse I am now 18 months clean and sober and I am living proof that the right help is available. and even if it’s from one addict to another just helping each other to change their life’s for the better. WE DO RECOVER.