I’m on autopilot walking through Dallas/Fort Worth airport and my mouth starts salivating, as if by reflex, when I pass a bar. The thought that no one would know if I grabbed a few drinks flashes through my mind. Guilt floods me for even entertaining the idea of drinking and I continue walking to my gate, still sober. I don’t genuinely want to drink, that kind of craving is superficial, a habit. It isn’t always that simple, though. At times, the desire to drink is greater than my fear of it ending badly because I just can’t stand to be me.

There are so many expectations and standards to be upheld by a newly sober person, the way I’ve perceived it. You graduate rehab or you reach 30 days of continuous sobriety and everyone is so proud. They can see your “healthy glow” again or they’re happy the “old you”…